Yes, love hurts.

Here I am once again with a broken heart and the horrible feeling I get any time I say good bye.
I am not angry, not even sad, just feeling this empty space in me and the annoying sensation of my body hurting, because for some reason all my feelings go straight to my stomach and my muscles.
maybe He thinks this is a funny game. Making me fall in love, making me fly and lay in soft clouds were the world is not important, making me be in such a state of happiness that I think is better than drugs and then make me fall down all of a sudden and hit the ground in the hardest possible way. This feel like the end of the world, and I know it isn't. I know I will get over it and live my life, but right in this moment it feels like I just died.
After some days trying so hard to don't think of him, and after finally get enough strength to don't beg him and call him, and don't even answer his phone calls, he found a way to contact me and sugar me, and as he said, romance my socks off, which I don't really know what it means but I guess is something like make me fall in love again, and as if there could be another result, I fell for him once again like the most innocent child.
After some days talking and feeling like the most beloved woman, today he said once again that he is not gonna be with me if I pick my plans over him. And I cannot choose between him and my dreams, even when my heart screams and beg me to run to his arms and don't ever let him to let me go, I cannot give up my plans for a guy.
Is hard and it could sound cold hearted but is the reality and is what I learn from my own experience.
Now I just can wonder myself and try to find an answer that really explain me why he does that. Why does he makes me fall in love if he doesn't love me? Why does he thinks this is a good game? Why doesn't he care about my pain and sadness anytime that I have to think that I'm not ever going to be with him?
Now I feel stupid, because in certain way I knew it that this was going to happen again. The same story, he saying he loves me and wants to be with me and then change his mind and be like nothing while I'm dying.
Today my "dad" said that I'm glowing anytime I talk about him, and that my smile looks even more beautiful. I just could think of how much I love him, then I decided myself and I told him I was moving there again. Is curious how his mind works. If I reject him then he loves me, if I show him some love then he rejects me. I know it makes no sense. Nothing in this "relationship" makes much sense.
I know many people that could feel plenty identified with this kind of no-healthy-relationship, but it is so far my first time in this kind of it, and I am completely lost. Without knowing what to do I just can suffer and be miserable anytime we say good bye.
I need to confess this time was me who said good bye, I am tired of being like this, being blind and walking in a strange trail, so I just could say good bye. I know this week is going to suck, I will try to keep my mind busy and don't think about him until I gradually forget him.
I cannot promise I am not going to fall again, I just can say I will try.
Love makes people blind and dumb, and the worse thing is that I love that sensation. I want to love for ever even with all the pain, sometimes it worth it, sometimes it doesn't, the only way to know is to try it, even if it hurts.